Photographic Memories
by GreyEyesGlaringAtShonda
Summary: Inspiration can be found in the oddest of places. UPDATED!
1. Chapter 1

**Photographic Memories**

by greyeyedgirl

Summary: What is tragedy? Everyone's favorite GA couple finds out in this sad-paced story set in the future.

The whir of the ambulance as it flew through the Seattle streets was loud and full of menace, Burke clutched desperately to her hand as they whipped into the parking lot of Seattle Grace.

"It's all right," he murmured, "It's okay, baby."  
The EMTs lifted the gurney out, and Bailey and Grey met them at the door to the hospital, both stone-faced. Burke said nothing to them as they grabbed hold of the stretcher and got moving. Bailey looked down at Cristina's head and cringed. "Page Shepherd," she told Meredith. Burke squeezed Cristina's hand even harder, not being able to speak.

"Twenty-nine year old Asian female, victim of head-on collision as a result of a drunk driver. Seems to be having severe subderral bleeding and palpitations...her pupils are totally shot," The EMT finished, looking at the surgeons with concern. At that moment Dr. Shepherd came running down the hall with Meredith, they both had faces that were very white, and looked visibly shaken. "Let's get her to MRI, now," Derek said, gasping for breath. "You okay?" He murmured to Burke.

Burke didn't respond, he simply squeezed Cristina's hand harder to him, looking down at her with tears in his eyes.

"So...as you can see...the damage to her skull shows that her brain suffered severe bleeding. I need to get her into surgery immediately to repair the damage, but as you know...with this type of injury...it..."

Burke glared at him, the whites of his eyes were blood-shot, and their were tiny crystals sitting at the sides, ready to fall free.

"I'm so sorry, Preston," Derek said softly.

"Go on," Burke said hoarsely. He knew what was wrong with her, the words he had read in the textbook so many years ago were swimming in front of his memory, he looked at Dr. Shepherd, daring him to speak the inevitable.

"It might have affected her memory."

Burke stared at Derek, rage exploding in him, his mind couldn't seem to accept the facts they were already aware of, and he felt himself shaking, trying desperately to release his anger, do anything to get rid of the powerful emotions stirring all around him.

"What do you _mean?_ She might not remember us? She might not remember her _life_?"

"Often..." Derek began softly, looking at him sadly. "Often, with this type of cases...they simply rewind a bit, going back to a traumatic or important memory. Whatever memory it goes back to...Cristina might remember everything up to then, but from then on it'll all be a blank."

"So she could wake up and think she's..._twelve_, or something? There has to be something you can do...A hemispherical construction...a-"

"Dr. Burke. You know I can't, not if I want to plan on repairing the extent of her injuries."

"Get her into the OR. Now! What are you waiting for? She's bleeding out, you have to get her in the OR! Go!" Burke looked down at the woman laying in front of him, bandages already soaked with blood wrapped around her head. "It's okay," he murmured, kissing her hand. "It's okay, baby. They're going to take care of you."

It was almost nine hours later that Cristina was allowed to have visitors again, and Burke sat carefully next to her, taking hold of her hand and resting his head onto the hospital bed. His face was tired and his eyes blood-shot, as he desperately squeezed her hand, looking at her for some kind of life, besides the monotonous beep from the machine in the corner. There were now clean bandages wrapped around her head, along with several along the right side of her stomach and legs. "How could this have happened," he whispered.

Izzie and George watched hopelessly from the doorway, Izzie wiping silent tears from her eyes. George pulled her away silently, taking her into the stairwell, where he held her tightly, letting the tears fall. Izzie shook violently, crying into him. "The other guy," she gasped. "The drunk. Did they tell you he's fine? A sprained wrist and a head concussion. Cristina's in there, her memory might be gone, and Dr. Burke's a mess...and the guy that did this to her has a sprained wrist and a head concusssion."

"He's only a kid," George whispered. "Only 16 or something."

"Do you think that _matters?_ Do you think that makes it _okay?_ George, Cristina could have _died!_ She could have-"

"I'm not sticking up for him," George said quietly. "I'm just saying. He's only a kid." His face contorted into an uncharacteristic one of rage, his voice sounded suddenly unfamiliar to her, then Izzie realized she'd never heard the sweet, puppy-dog eyed surgeon sound bitter. "And he just ruined a bunch of lives for no reason."

Izzie felt her tears flow faster, she leaned against him again, shaking even harder into him, and he wrapped his arms around her tightly as she cried into his chest, tears soaking his scrubs.

"Sir, I...I picked Avery up from daycare. She's with George in the cafeteria...I think he's getting her some milk. I can watch her, if you want to be with Cristina," Meredith said, looking at Burke awkwardly.

"Thank you," Burke said quietly, not looking away from Cristina's body. "I appreciate it."

"Of course," Meredith said quietly. "Would you like to see her?"

"Yes. In a little bit. I just...I need to hold her. Make sure she's all right." For the first time he looked up at Meredith, and Meredith could see the sickness in his face, his jacket was collared just below his neck, and he looked uncharacteristically unhappy. "Can you have O'Malley bring her up in 15 minutes or so? I want to sit with Cristina for a while."

"Of course, Dr. Burke. Is there anything else I can do?"  
Burke looked up at her, and Meredith was instantly sorry she had asked. "I'm sorry, sir," she said. "I'll...have George bring her up in about 15 minutes. I..." She drifted off, not being able to bear looking down at her friend, and backed off, finally averting her gaze to Dr. Burke. "I'll be going now, sir. Have a nice...I mean...I..." She closed her eyes. "I'll be going now, sir."

Burke didn't look up from where he'd latched his eyes back on Cristina, his hand grasping her non-IV'd arm.

"She should have woke up by now," Shepherd whispered to Meredith. Meredith didn't answer, as she watched Burke in Cristina's hospital room, gently holding his daughter with his arms as he sat next to Cristina's bed.

"She's not responding to the medication or to her IV filter."

Meredith felt her eyes filling, she forced her gaze away from the window to Cristina's hospital room. "She's in a coma," she whispered.

Derek looked at her sadly.

"I'm so sorry, Meredith. I know you two are close."

"It's not enough. It's not enough that she wouldn't remember her life, or her family, or her friends! She's not even going to get the chance to build new ones. She won't even get to make _new_ memories." Meredith felt herself shaking, their was a pounding at the side of her head as she brought her hands to her face, trying to wipe away the fresh river of tears, the first ones she had allowed herself to shed.

Derek tried to force himself to be positive. "You don't know that. She could be fine, for all we know. She could wake up tomorrow, and remember everything, with no more than a few broken ribs and a headache for a couple of weeks." He tried to smile. It faltered at the look on Meredith's face. "Meredith, I'm so sorry," he whispered, moving closer to hug her. Meredith moved away. "It's not enough," she whispered. "It's never enough."

Derek bit his lip, trying to hold back his tears, as he nodded quietly to Meredith, taking her into his arms as her tears continued to fall.


	2. Chapter 2

**Photographic Memories**

by greyeyedgirl

chapter 2 (I meant for this to be a one-shot originally, but...oh well. There's just too much to tell in just a few pages. BTW, there's a story slightly similar to this one...it's by prestinaluvr, Cristina gets hurt in the parking garage of her and Burke's apartment. Anyway, just saying, if you like this story, you might want to read hers, Prestinaluvr is a brilliant writer, I like to think I'm the Princess of BANG fic, but pluvr is most definitely the queen. )

"Dr. Burke. I know this must be hard for you to hear. I'm sorry, I know. But-"

"What did you say?" Burke's voice had a quiet anger in it, he was looking at Derek dangerously. Shepherd tried to clear his throat. "I'm sorry, Preston. I know this is tough, but-"

"Did you just say you _know?"_ Burke took a step closer to him, his eyes flashing. "Did you just say you _know_ what it feels like? That you've had the love of your life snatched away from you, and had to watch her _suffer?_ Had to watch her _bleed?_ And when she wakes up-and now you're telling me..._If_ she wakes up..." Burke looked at him, rage seething through his muscles. "You're telling me you _know?_ Excuse me if I'm thinking incorrectly, Dr. Shepherd, but it seems to me that you don't know a damn thing!"

Derek hung his head, exhaustion sweeping over his body like the chill that runs through as summer fades to autumn.

"She's fallen into a coma. But we don't know-Dr. Burke! We don't know anything, she could wake up tomorrow, she could wake up in 20 years. We just can't know."

"What am I supposed to do?" Burke whispered. "What about Avery? What's _she_ supposed to do? She needs her mother-she's only a baby-"

Derek tried desperately to hold back his tears. "I'm so sorry, Preston," he said softly, before turning to walk away.

Miranda Bailey was sitting in an on-call room that presided on the left side of the fourth floor when Meredith Grey came bursting in, her hair a mess and her face red. "Dr...Dr. Bailey," she said.

Bailey looked up at her intern, the exhaustion evident on her face. "What is it, Grey?"

"Dr. Bailey," Meredith said, obviously out of breath. "We ran some tests. On Cristina. And one of them...showed us something. So we...me and Izzie...we ran another test. And it showed us..."

Bailey looked up at her with tired eyes, mentally preparing herself for the worst. "What, Grey?"

Meredith handed her a cream-colored folder, showing her the results of the lab. "I think you should look at this, Dr. Bailey."

Bailey took the folder from her, peering down at the chart. "Oh, my god," she breathed.

Burke sat silently in the chair next to Cristina's hospital bed, Avery crying wildly in his arms. "Shhh," he whispered, trying to comfort her. "It's all right, baby, shhh, don't cry." He wrapped the blanket gently around his daughter, pushing a strand of curly black hair behind her ear. Avery cried desperately for a few more minutes, but Burke wrapped her tiny fingers around the arm of her teddy bear, and slowly, Avery's cries subsided. "Shhh. See, baby, it's okay," Burke whispered, trying to hold back his tears. "There ya go," he murmured, slipping her bottle into her tiny baby mouth. "See? All better."

Meredith opened the door tentatively, sticking her head into the room. "Dr. Burke?" She asked hesitantly.

"What is it, Grey," Burke said dully, all the light and humor in his eyes gone.

"We needed to talk to you about something. It's really important."  
"Who's 'we,' Grey?"

Meredith turned to look behind her. "George," she said reproachfully. Slowly, tentatively, George and Izzie came into view. Dr. Burke looked at them silently for a few moments, and then stood up, following them out of the room as he cradled Avery carefully to his shoulder.

"This had better be important, Grey." Burke said, staring at Meredith as Avery burst into tears again. Meredith looked from the baby to Burke, then seemed to hesitate. "You know, we could...watch her," Meredith said tentatively. "Avery. For a few days. At my house. Or at _least_ for a few hours, you look like you could get some sleep..."

Burke glared at her, before handing Avery her teddy bear that she'd dropped, cuddling his daughter closer and trying to calm her. "_This_ is what you pulled me away from my wife for?"

"Actually," Izzie said nervously, obviously trying not to anger or upset him any more, "We're waiting for someone..."

And at that moment, Addison Montgomery rounded the corner, and spotted Burke speaking to the interns. "Dr. Burke," she said quietly. "I'm not sure if they told you..."

"Told me what, Addison? What is going on?"

"Maybe...we should go someplace more private. Grey, Stevens, O'Malley...Find somewhere else for yourselves to be."

George made a gesture like he was going to protest, but Addison shot him a look that made him stop. The interns all turned, heading down the hall. Addison led Burke to an on-call room.

"Preston...I'm not sure how to tell you this..." Addison whispered. Burke looked at her, frowning as Avery spit out her bottle. "What are you talking about, Addison?"

"Meredith and Izzie were...running some routine tests on Dr. Yang. And they discovered something. Preston, Dr. Yang was-is, actually...almost three months pregnant."

Burke stared at her in shock. "What the hell are you talking about!"

Addison looked at the floor. "You should be happy, Preston," she whispered. "To suffer the shock and the trauma that Cristina's body has went through, and to not lose the baby...I never would have predicted it. It's...it's a medical miracle. The chances of it not suffering some kind of trauma, or there being complications...they're slim to none. But you've got a little fighter in there."

Burke took a step back, staring at her. "It's impossible. We used precautions. We were planning to start trying again next spring, but it's impossible. Cristina _can't_ be pregnant."

Addison looked at her hands, wringing them. "I looked at the labs, Preston. We did an ultrasound. Well," she looked up, and for the first time she appeared angry. "The interns did an ultrasound. There's no way to know...how the baby's been affected by the accident...but Cristina Yang is definitely pregnant."

Burke looked down at his baby daughter, who had somehow managed to fall asleep, and was now cooing softly, blowing a raspberry in her sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Photographic Memories**

chapter 3

by greyeyedgirl

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Preston Burke sat in the stiff, hard chair just lining Cristina's hospital bed. The baby was gone from his arms, sleeping soundly in Meredith's arms two floors away. Burke held Cristina's hand gently, carefully rubbing it with his fingers, before bringing it to his lips.

The monitor in the corner gave a resounding beep, Burke stared up at it and then down at his wife, panicked. "Cristina!"

There was a slow, silent stirring on the hospital bed, a flash of movement of a few strands of dark curly hair, as a head jerked restlessly, a pair of almond brown eyes fluttering open.

"Burke?" The voice was weak, soft, but it was Cristina's voice, and Burke's heartbeat seemed to rush at the sound, he felt his eyes fill as the thought '_She remembers' _drifted through his mind, he squeezed Cristina's hand harder and then kissed it again. "It's okay, Cristina," he whispered. "I'm here."

Cristina made an obvious motion to sit up, Burke pushed her shoulders gently back down, staring into her face concernedly. "SHEPHERD! DEREK, GET IN HERE!"

Cristina looked up at Burke's face, confusion etched in every delicate line and crease of the beautiful face he had fallen in love with.

"What...happened? What's going on-"

At that moment, Derek Shepherd came running into the room, his stethoscope flopping around his neck, his face red, his breathing tired. "What's happened? What's wrong-" He cut off, staring at the figure of Cristina, eyes open, trying even more stubbornly to sit up even though it was obviously causing her pain.

Preston Burke's face could have lit up the room. "She's awake," he whispered. "She remembers-She said my name-"

Derek allowed Burke one sad look of sympathy, before turning his expression back to Cristina. "What's the date, Cristina?" He murmured sadly.

Cristina had been looking around the hospital room, horror, confusion, and panic all settling on her features. "Um...the uh..." Her breath weakened. "The thirtieth?" She was looking around again, then her eyes slid cautiously to Burke.

Burke's glowing beam slid off his face, he looked down at Cristina tentatively. It was the fifteenth.

"What month, Cristina? What year?" Derek was looking at her sadly, his voice gentle.

Cristina stared at him, obviously just noticing her broken rib, she seemed to be struggling in pain. "September. 2005."

Burke felt his breath intake.

Derek looked at her, sadness etched into his deep face. "What's the last thing you remember?"

Cristina frowned, not needing to think, then a strange look passed over her face, and she shrugged. "I don't remember," she said simply.

Burke's heart starting to re-pump with one large, violent beep, his mind whirring. "It's okay, Cris," he murmured quietly, almost sadly, looking down at her face. "Shepherd knows about us."

Cristina looked up at him, fear and pain on her face. "Wha-how-what are you..." She looked down, this time the pain in her eyes having nothing to do with her injuries. Burke felt his lungs shake.

"You said...Derek you said she might go back to a traumatic memory."

Derek nodded, his voice slightly back to normal in this sudden familiar territory. "That is most common, in these cases."

Burke stared down at his wife, slightly sick. "Cristina..." he muttered. "Is the last thing you remember...the...the on-call room. . . . The-whe...when I..."

Cristina looked up at him, and her eyes said it all. Burke looked away for a second, heartbreak causing his face to distort, his voice came out very hoarse and un-Burke like.

"That was over three years ago, Cristina."

Cristina stared at him. "What?" She looked genuinely confused. Burke looked down at her.

"You miscarried the baby a week later," At this, Cristina's breathing seemed to stop, "and we were together again right after you woke up. We were living together a few months later. About a year after the pregnancy...I asked you to marry me. You got pregnant again a few months after the wedding. We have a little girl, Cristina."

Cristina looked at Burke, confusion, disbelief, and pain staring at him. "Wha-bu-I-" Each word seemed to hurt to say, Cristina frowned as she rested her head back, closing her eyes, her mind seeming to find it hard to think. "What are you-what happened?" She paused. "A...daughter?" She added, as an afterthought.

Burke squeezed her hand, bowing his head. "Avery," he whispered. "The only name we both liked. We fought for ages over it. But finally I gave in to your suggestion." His mind seemed to collapse at the memories.

Cristina couldn't seem able to take it in, her mind was spinning, and it hurt just to think, she felt so many different kinds of pain as she laid there, various tubes and bandages causing her added discomfort. "How'd this happen."

"You were hit by a drunk driver in your car." Burke seemed to find these words even harder to say then the other ones, his voice tightened as the roaring monster leaped into him again as he thought of the man who had done this to her.

Cristina didn't look at him. "How long have I been out?"

"A week and a half," Burke said quietly. He seemed to be inspecting her face, memories of how she had been like at the beginning of their relationship causing him to stare in slight fear, wondering how she would take it all.

Cristina looked at him. "Avery, huh?" She looked almost frowning, like the things she was being told didn't make sense, they didn't add up.

"She's an angel," Burke whispered. "She's so beautiful. She'll be one in a couple of months." He tightened his grip on her hand, but she didn't respond. Burke closed his eyes briefly, trying to force his head into the situation it had just been placed in. This wasn't His Cristina, his wife, this was his Old Cristina, the woman he had had so much trouble convincing that she loved him, he could already sense the wall she had built up, the distance she was trying to put between herself and this new-found family. He wanted to whisper to her that he loved her and was going to take care of her no matter what, but unadorned fear prevented this. He was going to have to go through the old arguments all over again, feel the same pain, do the same convincing, and this time the circumstances were going to be totally different, she was no longer an ignorant intern, he was no longer just discovering the powerful new attraction he'd been feeling, and most important of all, there were two tiny, innocent little lives depending on Cristina's recovery. This time, it was more than a mistaken pregnancy that seemed to push itself back and away, leaving Burke and Cristina to deal with the damage. This time, it was more than an accidental life. It was their children, the tiny little sacraments that proved the life they'd built.

And she couldn't remember any of it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Photographic Memories**

chapter 4, by greyeyedgirl

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Derek Shepherd stared at the back of the curly mass of hair, head bent over the charts at the nurse's station, a large bandage on the left side. He took several strides forward.

"Dr. Burke," he said smoothly, standing next to her. Cristina jumped, looking around frantically, then at Derek, frowning. "What are you talking about? Where is he? He said he was going to get the baby, then-" She broke off, realizing, then bent her head back down, looking over a chart, pretending to be completely absorbed.

"You should really be in bed. You're risking rupture, your head could start bleeding again at any second-"

Cristina ignored him, flipping through the chart. "So what's all been happening since...I last remember?" She asked nonchalantly. "Any interesting Seattle Grace gossip?"

Derek grinned, thinking, remembering.

"You have no idea..."

Cristina didn't look up from the chart.

Derek inspected her, taking in the expression as she coolly pretended to be fascinated by the case of neuralgia. "What's with the hostility, Dr. Burke?"

Cristina looked up for the first time, her expression tight. "Don't---_call_ me that!"

"Dr. Yang, then."

"Um, last time I remember, you had conveniently forgotten to mention to my best friend that you had a wife. Sorry if the friendliness and love isn't just rolling off my tongue, I know that's what you're used to from me." Cristina looked at him pointedly, turning to walk away with the chart, then wincing, holding onto her stomach.

"Yes," Derek said patiently, noticing. "You have a broken rib, it was minor, but that's why you should be in bed." Cristina didn't respond, just glared, moving to leave.

"CRISTINA! What are you doing!" Burke had suddenly headed down the hall, holding a squirming Avery, moving quickly towards her, anger and worry evident on her face. "Come on, Cristina," he said quietly, taking hold of her arm with his free hand, moving to lead her back to her room. Cristina pulled away, subtly, but surely, and Burke frowned down at her sadly.

"Do you want to hold the baby?" He asked quietly.

Cristina jumped, wide-eyed, staring. "The baby? _That_ baby?"

Burke looked at her calmly. "Our baby."

Cristina took a step backwards. "Actually, I'm going back to bed just now. I'm going to take a nap. I don't feel so well."

Burke stared after her, watching, as she headed down the hospital hallway to her room, dragging her IV pole along with her.

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When Burke entered her room 15 minutes later, it was to find Izzie, Meredith, and George in there with her, all talking to Cristina animatedly about their various patients. "And Mr. Mason, I swear to god, he's nuts, he was _hitting_ on me-in front of his wife. You know. The one about to give birth to their child." Izzie leaned back in her chair, rolling her eyes.

"Excuse me," Burke said, clearing his throat. "Could we have a moment?" Izzie and George jumped up, hurrying out of the room, closely followed by Meredith. Burke took one of the empty seats, nudging the bottle into Avery's mouth as she let out a soft gurgle.

Burke looked at her for several moments, Cristina avoided his gaze by staring at the blankets of her hospital bed.

"What do you want to know?"

Cristina looked up at him.

"You've never been one who likes being left in the dark," Burke explained. "Ask me anything, I know you're curious."

"How did you find out?"

Burke looked at her calmly, waiting for her to elaborate.

"How did you react?"

Burke searched his mind, all the way back to three years ago, trying to think what thoughts might have been going through Cristina's mind. "About the baby?"

Cristina nodded to her blanket.

Burke frowned, barely managing the words. "You collapsed in the O.R."

Cristina winced.

"My OR. In the middle of the surgery. I knew something was wrong when you didn't answer my question."

Cristina frowned, not meeting his eyes, or acknowledging the soft gurgling noises Avery made as she gulped down her milk.

"Your mother came. After your surgery. You had an...it was ectopic. About 7 weeks." Burke forced the words, each memory bringing fresh pain. "That was when I found out you didn't care for your mother. Then...we were together again a few days after the surgery...I stayed with you in your hospital bed." He paused, watching Cristina intently. "I asked you to move in with me the day after Thanksgiving. You agreed a little after New Years. We got married on June fifth, 2007. Avery was born in September of 2008. And today is July second, 2009."

Cristina didn't make any response, just looked down at her sheet. "Who's Chief Resident?" She asked finally.

Burke actually managed a smile at this.

"You are. And I'm Chief of Surgery...Richard retired six months ago. His wife made him, he had a heart attack. Mild, but sufficient enough to get the man to cut back." Burke looked away from Cristina. "They just named his replacement three weeks ago, I was interim chief for a while, but this made it official. We went to dinner a few days before...the accident. Half celebration, you'd just been named Chief Resident and I was Chief of Surgery...and half our anniversary, we'd had to work on the actual day." Burke knew she was avoiding his eyes without even having to look at her.

"Oh," she said finally.

"What else do I...not...remember?"

Burke didn't answer, not being able to meet her eyes, trying to clear his thoughts, find words to explain what their life was like, to tell her that they'd been happy, finally, she'd been happy.

"I know this is scary. It must be. But I'm not going anywhere. You're worth whatever this takes. Cristina, we're more than an on-call room fling. I want you to know that." Burke looked at her solemnly, taking in her closed off expression.

"Um...can I have some...privacy, please?"

Burke looked at her, hurt, but stood up. He gripped Avery tighter, looking down at Cristina one last time. "Say bye-bye to Mommy, Avery," he said softly, as his daughter gripped one of his fingers. Avery looked down at her mother, holding out one arm. Cristina looked at the child in alarm for a moment, then looked away. "Not now, munchkin," Burke said quietly to her, turning the baby away. "Mommy doesn't feel well."

Cristina watched in silence as Burke took her out of the room.

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It was much later in the day, and with the absence of their daughter, that Burke reentered Cristina's room that night, and sighed, not finding her in her bed. He was about to start patrolling the halls, when a disconcerting sound came from the second door in the room.

Burke moved to stand behind it, leaning in to talk through it concernedly. "Cristina?"

He grimaced, hearing the nonverbal response. He went to open the door, rolled his eyes, as it was locked, and knocked on the top upper portion.

"Go away," Cristina yelled.

Burke leaned closer to talk to her through the wood. "It's okay, Cris," he said. "Here, I'll help you, unlock the door."

At this, the door swung open, but when Burke glanced downward he found himself looking straight into the deep glare of Cristina Yang. "Help me with _what_?"

"You sounded sick. I'm your husband. I'm not going to be scared away by a little vomit," Burke looked at her, slightly incensed.

Cristina looked him over carefully. "It doesn't make sense." She pushed past him and back into her bed. Burke turned, his eyes lingering on her small frame. "What doesn't?"

Cristina looked up at him, her eyes narrowed. "I'm sick. My stomach hurts. But there wasn't anything on my chart about abdominal jostling, bruising, no organ damage whatsoever. It doesn't make sense that I'm sick."

Burke picked up Cristina's chart from the side table a few feet from the bed, skimming over it. He put it back down, relieved. Addison hadn't changed anything yet.

"It's okay. I'll see what I can get you for it. Just some simple antibiotics should do the trick," he said smoothly. Cristina looked up at him from where she'd been looking at her bedspread, her head seemed to point upwards very, very slowly, but her eyes rested quite steadily on him.

"Avery's with Stevens, she offered to watch her for a couple hours."

"Who?" Cristina said blankly, then remembered, face flaming. Burke looked down, pushing his hands together in his lap, curling and straightening his fingers.

"It's hard to get used to. I know. I know this is hard for you. But you're not alone. You have a life. A family." Burke sighed, looking sideways, trying to focus his breathing.

"You remember me as...the guy that dumped you. The man you'd slept around with in the on call room, but essentially, nothing more. But-"

Cristina shook her head, her thoughts confusing her, still not able to look at him. "Are you really my...we're _married?_"

Burke managed a tiny smile, a pained one, finally turning his head, she raised hers, and their eyes locked for the first time. "Yes," he said.

Cristina looked back down. She had never planned on getting married, and she had no idea what to say to the man that had, somehow, managed to change her mind. "You weren't..." She said finally, her eyes narrowing as she looked down at the same spot on her blanket. "You were never just a guy."

Burke exhaled, smoothly, then finding it harder to breathe in. He took her hand between his, bending his head.

"Of course not," he said, but this time the smile wasn't pained. He'd finally gotten reassurance of feelings, not by His Cristina, but by his Old Cristina. The memory was one to be remembered. He winced, as this thought came barreling into his senses.

"This is a lot to take, Cristina. More so, because it is you. I know this is shocking. I know you're probably not happy about it. But this is what is, and I'm not leaving you." Burke looked at her again, Cristina's eyes were swimming, the familiar brown overwhelming to him. "I need you. Avery needs you. Ou-" He started to say something else, then broke off, wincing. "It'll be okay eventually. That's all." Burke looked at her, hesitant to see how Old Cristina would react to New Burke.

Cristina's eyes had traveled down to the bedspread again, but this time there was something different in her eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

_Photographic Memories_

written by greyeyedgirl.

Chapter five

Summary: Inspiration can be found in the oddest of places.

Addison Shepherd headed purposefully down the hall, and was in the process of opening the door to room 307 when Burke turned the corner with Avery, catching sight of her and rushing forward.

"Addison!"

Addison turned to him, smiling pleasantly. "I was just going to talk to your wife, Preston, about maybe getting her an ultrasound."

Burke cleared his throat, looking at the ground. Addison's smile fell.

"_You haven't **told** her?_" Addison glared at him, staring up and down the hall. Burke winced.

"How could you not have **told** her?" Addison hissed, staring at him.

"She just woke up. She's adjusting," Burke said quietly.

"Do you think she's just not going to **_notice_**?" Addison asked, looking annoyed. "Because when I walk in there to give her an epidural in 6 months, my guess is she's going to realize something's up!"

Burke sighed. "I'm going to tell her. Just...not right away. She doesn't even think of me as her husband yet." His face grew even more pained. "She doesn't even think of Avery as her _daughter._ ... She's...not _ready_ to be a mother."

Addison looked at him in silence. "You have to tell her. If you don't, _I_ will."

Burke looked at the ground. "I'm going to tell her," he repeated. Addison just watched him in silence.

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Derek Shepherd strolled purposely down the hall of Seattle Grace just hours after his wife had done. He paused outside door 307, before swinging it open.

"Afternoon, Drs. Burke."

Cristina glared at him but Burke smiled, looking up at him over Avery's head. "Good afternoon."

"How are you feeling, Cristina?"

"Fine." Cristina was staring blankly out the window.

"Really fine? Because someone mentioned to me you were feeling a little nauseous." Derek winked. Cristina glared, then reverted the gaze to Burke, who winced. "But that's to be expected, of course," Derek said quickly. Cristina stared at him. "Why is that to be expected?" She asked. Derek stared at her for a full minute, then comprehension dawned on his face. He shot an unreadable glance towards Burke

"Well, you just had surgery, of course you aren't at your best." Derek responded. He cleared his throat. "Actually," he said. "That's why I'm here. I wanted to talk to you two about a surgery."

Burke looked at him blankly.

"It's _very_ new, it's only been performed five times. There's..." His voice got quieter. "A sixty percent failure rate."

"What are you talking about?" Cristina demanded. Burke continued to stare, but now there was a small frown on his face.

"It's known as a ultrascanpicol craniotomy, and it's for cases such as yours." Cristina looked at him curiously as he went on. Burke took several deep, angry breaths.

"With electric therapy and three invasive procedures, it can return up to 80 of your memories."

"That's with the two out of five people who survived, right?" It was Burke who was speaking now, the words coming out in a yell as rage cornered on every line of his face. Derek swallowed, taking a long breath.

"Yes."

"I would remember everything?" Cristina was staring at Derek as if she had never seen him before, her eyes widened slightly.

"Most likely, yes. But the failure rates of this surgery are _not_ hopeful. I've only seen this performed twice, and one was unsuccessful. The amount of blood lost and the stress put on the brain from the shock...it is a very, very dangerous operation." Derek took a tentative step away from Burke, who was trying very hard not to crush Avery in his arms.

"I want it." Cristina looked at Derek, her voice loud and brass, no doubt on her face. Burke inhaled loudly, taking a step forward.

"Cristina," he said softly. "We should talk about this."

Cristina didn't look at him. Derek stared at her, then Burke, and finally Avery, before backing away the final few steps to the door. "There's...something else," he murmured. He took a gasping breath. "Preston, you have to tell her..." His voice was almost inaudible.

Burke stared at him, and in that moment, something inside him snapped.

"**GET OUT! NOW! GO!"**

Derek looked at him sadly, exiting the room. Cristina stared at Burke, confused, and a little scared. Burke turned from the door to face Cristina. He took a few tentative steps, his eyes widening as he bit his bottom lip with emotion, a tiny dimple emerging from his chin.

"You don't understand," he said quietly, his face still flushed with anger. "You don't know what it's like. You don't know how this feels." He stopped, clearing his throat painfully, not being able to breathe. "Our life. You married me. We were happy." Burke was shaking, and Cristina watched him, then slowly sat up further, reaching out for Avery, who Burke was having trouble holding. Burke's voice was rough with emotion, the pain on his face all too real. She had had nightmares of seeing that anger, had actually heard that tired, stressed, and heartbreaking voice what felt like days ago in an on-call room.

Cristina looked down at the small child in her arms, feeling panicked. The small girl, who she had tried not to look at before, was breathing softly, obviously oblivious to the stirring air around her. Her small face was similar to both Cristina and Burke's, as Cristina looked down at her, she saw Burke's eyes but her lips, the delicate structure of the face was taken solely from the baby's mother. At that moment Avery let out a soft coo, and Burke looked down at the baby from where he was standing next to Cristina's bed.

"I know," Cristina said quietly, and Burke froze at the sound of her voice. He had heard her speak that way only a few times, and when he did he knew she had finally let something go. That was the soft quality that always reminded him of a small child, one scared and begging to be held and protected, one that made him want to come closer and take a step back all at the same time. "I know this has to suck. I _know_ it does, because just..." Cristina broke off, staring off in the distance, as Avery wiggled slightly. "Just imagine, you wake up one morning, and you don't know where you are or how you got there. The night before you'd been terrified of the next morning, but when it finally arrives, it's even more terrifying than you'd imagined. You're married to a person you barely know, you're still so confused as to the last thing you remember, you can't believe you're never going to have to deal with it again because it's over. You just..." Cristina shook her head vehemently, her voice returning to normal. She spoke as if she hadn't said anything before. "That's why I have to get this surgery. I have to know things. I have to understand. I can't just...pretend this is fine, and I'll get used to it. I have to know."

Burke stared at her, his face in pain. "I can't let you. I can't lose you, I can't lose two of the most important--" He stopped talking. Cristina just stared.

"What did you say?"

Burke didn't respond, just looked down at Avery, who was now turning over onto her stomach, touching Cristina's face lightly, puckering her lips. Cristina slowly looked down at the baby.

"She's hungry," Burke said quietly. "But it's fine, I can get her a bottle-" Cristina just stared.

"What did you say?"

"Hold on---I've got a bottle in the bag here---" He rummaged restlessly through the baby bag, taking out diapers and a small teddy bear and setting it on the bed stand.

"BURKE, what did you **_say_**?" Cristina was shaking, looking at him in horror, taking smooth, slow, gasping breaths.

Burke took a step closer, not taking his eyes off her as he rummaged through the bag for the bottle.

"We planned to start trying for next year. You said being an only child sucked, and you didn't want her to be that way." Burke's voice was almost inaudible, the deep quality of his tone measuring out with the soft volume.

Cristina just stared at him, then nodded slowly, scaredly, as if in a daze.

"By...you mean..."

Burke sat tenderly next to her on the bed, wrapping his arms around her, lightly grazing the top of Avery's head with a finger. "We're so lucky. It's a miracle that it survived."

Cristina wasn't looking like she thought it was a miracle. She stared up at him, lower lip trembling, then took a deeper breath.

"What's wrong with it?"

"What?"

"The accident. There must be complications now."

Burke closed his eyes, burying his face in her hair, desperate for his wife. "We don't know yet," he whispered. "Addison ran some tests...She wants to do a sonogram..."

"The surgery. The craniotomy. It would kill it, wouldn't it?"

Burke winced, then felt his anger return. "You are by no means getting that surgery, Cristina."

Cristina felt her face tighten as she gritted her teeth inside her mouth. "You're not the boss of me!"

Burke jumped up, staring at her. "I'm your husband!" He yelled. "This is your life! This is our _child's_ life! You're not an irresponsible intern anymore, Cristina!"

He stood quietly for a moment, gasping for breath. Cristina was frozen, looking up at him, taking in his appearance from her spot on the hospital bed.

"I'm not, am I?" She asked quietly.

Burke took a deep breath, still shaking. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "I understand why you want it. But Cristina-" He paused, looking frantically around the room, not able to look at Cristina, before finally resting his gaze on their daughter, who was still crawling on Cristina's chest and stomach, puckering her tiny lips.

After a long pause, Burke took his hand out of the bag, handing something to Cristina. "Here's her bottle," he said softly.

Cristina stared at him, shaking violently under a large mop of hair. Avery climbed farther up Cristina's body, pushing her light open lips against her mother's face, leaving a tiny trail of drool from under her small mass of curls. "Buh," she murmured. Cristina looked at her hesitantly, before pushing the bottle into her mouth awkwardly.


	6. Chapter 6

_Photographic Memories_

chapter 6

by **grey**eyedgirl For the Morethancoffee-ers: Fine. I know, I am weak. The no-update thing lasted about 3 hours for me. But you know what? I had a right to be insulted. Pluvr and greymind got to be BANG fanfic queens, and what was I? Not even allowed to be IN that little club? What am I, the STEPCHILD?

Hmph.

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CHAPTER SIX PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORIES BY GREYEYEDGIRL

The sound of the baby crying hurt her ears, the loud wailing was worse than a siren, and much less stimulating. Cristina loved the sound of sirens. It meant someone was coming that was sick and needed her to slap 'em onto a table and slice 'em open.

But there was that loud screaming, unrelenting and unstoppable, coming from only a few feet away in Burke's arms.

"WHAT THE HELL'S _WRONG_ WITH THAT THING?" She yelled over the sound of Avery's cries. Burke looked at her, glaring.

"That thing is your daughter. She always cries when she wants you to hold her."

Cristina looked at him, horrified, then averted her gaze to the wailing child. "Can't you stick a pacifier in her to shut it up?"

Burke continued frowning but did not respond. Cristina seemed to realize that this was not the right thing to say, because she looked at Burke's face timidly for a moment, and then looked over at the corner, awkwardly.

"Muh!" Avery yelled. Cristina closed her eyes tightly, as Burke opened his mouth desperately. "Cristina, you are being ridiculous. Just hold her for a minute. I _have_ to go, I have an aortic aneurysm in 10 minutes. I am the Chief of Surgery. I have to _go._" He closed his eyes, shaking his head, then lightly set Avery on Cristina's stomach, which was responded to by Cristina looking at him as if what he had just done was unforgivable.

"I will be back in a few hours." Burke leaned down quickly, kissing Cristina's forehead and then Avery's, Cristina stared at him as he exited the room.

Cristina looked at Avery's face, in which she could see similarities to both herself and Burke.

"Well, little munchkin...What are we going to do with you?" She murmured.

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"Shhhh...shhhh! Shhh, baby, it's okay. Here...um..." She stopped, thinking. She began to sing timidly.

"A-B-C-D-E-F-G..." Cristina stopped, wincing. Apparently Avery did _not_ want to learn the alphabet.

"Um...Twinkle twinkle little star..." She sang desperately. Avery's screams grew louder, as she swung her arms, digging one tiny fingernail against Cristina's shoulder. Cristina squeezed her eyes shut as hard as she could, and started to sing the first song that came into her head. "L..." she sang softly. "Is for the way you Look...at me..."

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_"L...is for the way you Look at me...O...is for the only One I see..."_

Preston Burke took two tentative steps into Cristina's hospital room, the soft sound of Cristina's singing reaching his ears.

Cristina was lying in her hospital bed, Avery in her arms exactly as Burke had left them. Avery's eyes were now closed, though, and Cristina was looking at her slightly nervously, as if she were waiting for something to happen.

_"V...is Very, Very...Extraordinary, **E..."**_

Burke cleared his throat loudly, and Cristina jumped, looking up at him in alarm. "Burke!"

Preston grinned, taking a few more steps into the room. "Don't be embarrassed. You sounded nice."

Cristina's face burned. Burke smiled at her for a moment, then it slid slowly off his face, and his expression turned to one that was intent.

"Cristina."

Cristina didn't look at him, her gaze drifted slowly to her left wall, her face still flaming.

"What made you think of that song?"

Cristina looked at him, slightly confused. "I don't know," she said, looking at him blankly. "I guess it just popped into my head. It was the only thing that made her stop crying."

Burke walked forward, until he was directly next to her bed. "We danced to that song at our wedding. We used to play it to Avery to help her get to sleep."

Cristina frowned, obviously deep in thought, and didn't respond. Whether it was because something was coming to her, or she was embarrassed to be caught in a moment with her guard down, Burke might never know.

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	7. Chapter 7

**Photographic Memories**

chapter 8

by greyeyedgirl

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This chapter is dedicated to norabelle, aka Vella, who was very persistant in getting her fanfic updates. :D

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"Ow! Burke, she bit me!"

Preston Burke took away Cristina's hand from off her lap, where sure enough, there was a small hole where a miniature tooth might have gone. "Don't be ridiculous," he said smoothly, seeing the bite mark. "She's only got 3 teeth, I doubt she could bite you if she _wanted_ to."

Cristina glared at him as the small baby crawled across her stomach, disturbing the IV cord with her tiny foot. "What kind of child have you been _raising_?" She asked pointedly.

"Oh, she didn't get biting from _me,_" Burke laughed. Cristina smirked, sitting up the rest of the way as Avery crawled towards her, scratching her face with her tiny fingernails. "Don't do that, munchkin," Cristina said absentmindedly. Burke looked up from where he'd started to scribble something on her chart.

"Sico dinefo. Buh deeko feecie," Avery gurgled, a bit of drool dripping down. Burke smiled lightly, sweeping her up from off of her mother. "That's about all for you, today, Avie," he murmured, cradling her in his arms. Cristina watched them carefully, not letting her emotions show.

"Muh!" Avery whimpered. Burke rubbed her soft curls, before getting her bottle and letting it gently enter between her lips. "There ya go, Avery," he muttered, as Cristina looked on.

"So where do you guys live?" She heard herself ask. Burke glanced up, surprised. "Ummm, a house a couple blocks away, the street right next to Grey's. Mendon road. It's a big white one with green shutters. There used to be a fence, but you made me get someone to take it down...something about not being a...'freaking soccer mom.' I have a 2008 Porsche, and you have an SUV. You gave up your bike right after we found out Avery was coming."

Cristina nodded vaguely, drinking in all the details of their life.

"What about everyone else? What's going on?"

Burke closed his eyes, thinking. "Hmmm. Karev transferred to a hospital in Los Angeles, where he's pursuing a career in plastics, I believe. O'Malley's going into cardio-thoracic for his specialty, so are you." He paused. "At least, you were. Grey wants to specialize in neuro. Stevens actually took some time off right before your guys' second year . . . a friend of hers passed away, she took it pretty hard . . . Anyway, she's going into neonatal. Her and Addison are pretty fond of each other, they're pretty good friends."

Cristina tried to process all this new information, and apply it to what she already knew.

"So we're...How did this all happen?" Cristina tried to sound politely interested, but couldn't hide every ounce of confusion she had.

Burke glanced up from where he was feeding Avery, waiting for her to continue. When she didn't, he smiled.

"You mean, how'd I convince you to marry me?"

Cristina frowned uncomfortably. She did not know him well enough to be able to think of him as her husband. Still, it was _Burke._ The way she felt about him didn't allow her to really be able to think of him as _anything._ She wasn't sure how to describe it.

"If you want to put it that way...fine. How did you...as you said...get me to do that?"

Burke brought Avery to his shoulder, cradling her head gently. "There were a lot of factors. We realized we were in love with each other. We grew closer after I got hurt-"

"What do you mean?" Cristina broke in, frowning. "Hurt!"

Burke looked at her. "I got shot, right before your second year. I was coming into the hospital one night, and the shooter was obviously just crazy."

Cristina felt a weird kind of anger, it scared her to feel anything so powerfully that didn't have to do with work. "He's in _jail_, right!"

Burke started to burp Avery, who made a soft cooing sound. "He shot himself...He was killed. Anyway, the bullet lodged itself into my spinal cord. I experienced some . . . tremors . . . after the surgery, but you pulled through fantastically in the end. You were there for the three months of my physical therapy...and after that you were never really the same. I think you realized something about yourself." He set Avery down in the small carrier he'd set on a nearby chair, giving her a pacifier and her favoirte rattle.

Cristina frowned, watching him play with their daughter. This wasn't the Burke she remembered, he seemed so much more domestic, and the way he looked at her and their daughter scared her. It was weird to her to have to _look_ for the cockiness, for it was still there, there was a precision and almost arrogance in the way he moved, he was so sure of himself, so sure that she would still be in love with them, once she got over the initial shock.

"Muh. Deco nifita," Avery slurred, stretching out her arms. Burke bent down, picking her up. "Shhh, shhh," he murmured, as she started to cry. He bounced her gently, pushing back her small mass of dark curly hair. "What's the matter. Princess?" He murmured.

"That's her diaper cry," Cristina heard herself say. She frowned. _Where did **that** come from?_ She'd only been around this kid for a couple weeks... There was something familiar about her words, like she'd heard something similar once long ago, but she couldn't place it. She frowned, trying to concentrate.

Burke, meanwhile, had unzipped Avery's pink footie pajams, and was inspecting quickly. "You're right," he said, his eyebrows crinkling as he turned to look at her. Cristina averted her gaze towards the painting of the sailboat in her room.

Burke had just taped the sides of Avery's fresh diaper and slipped her feet back into her footies, when there was a knocking on the door. Burke turned to see Derek walk in, right as he was zipping up Avery's pajamas, rubbing her tummy lightly as he did so.

"Dr. Burke," Derek said smoothly, smiling his brainless-brainsurgeon smile. "Dr. Yang." He grinned, moving closer to Avery and rubbing her soft hair. "Hey to you, too, cutie," he said smiling. Burke casually but quickly picked up his freshly-changed daughter, cuddling her once again to his shoulder.

"Dr. Yang," Derek said, his tone changing slightly. "I was wondering how you were doing, looking at the literature I gave you? Like I mentioned, if we're going to proceed with the surgery, we have to start it soon. The more you continue to go on without it, the less of your memory may return, even with an excellent surgery. The point is, every second is precious." He turned to smile at Avery. "I know the risks are high _and_ it is a difficult decision, but honestly, it must be made in the next couple days, or it might not even be worth the try." He looked at Burke, who was frowning greatly. Cristina bit the inside of her bottom lip gently, trying to think.

"Okay. I _will_ think about it. I just...need some time. Okay?" She tried to avoid Burke's gaze, thinking he would be angry, but he was looking at her almost curiously. Derek tried to smile, and nodded.

"All right then. I'll try to check in with you as often as possible, and lets make the deadline for your decision...Um, Tuesday?" He looked at her questioningly.

"Tuesday. Like in two days," Cristina breathed. She tried to smile. "Right. Great. Well...Other than some weird jostling in my stomach-" Burke flinched. "I feel fine," Cristina continued. "I'll see you later, Dr. Shepherd."

Realizing he was being dismissed, Derek tried to smile, before exiting, winking at Avery as he did so. Burke sighed, taking a step forward towards the bed.

"I didn't say I was getting it, Burke," Cristina said, noticing his stiff composure.

"I know," Burke responded quietly. Avery cooed from his arms, reaching out her hands towards Cristina. Burke raised his eyebrows at his wife, and after getting her nod, handed their child to her. Cristina allowed Avery to curl up next to her, as she looked at Burke and continued.

"...Burke..." She said quietly. "I didn't say I was _not_ getting it either."

"I know," Burke said, even quieter.

Cristina looked at Avery, who already had closed her eyes and was breathing softly, her tiny chest raising up and down. "I'm not her mom, Burke, " Cristina said, pushing back her hair. "I _can't_ be a mom." She looked up at him, then back at Avery.

"Don't you think she deserves her mom back?"

Burke didn't answer, just took a step forward, taking her hand in both of his.

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a/n: I'll try to get a update up soon, but I'm having serious issues on my writing computer. Anyway, leave a review...Oh, and wish me happy birthday for today, June 5th...I'm 15 today:D


	8. Chapter 8

Photographic Memories 

chapter 8

by greyeyedgirl

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"Awwww, look at the little cutie, the wittle sweetie pie---" Cristina came out of the bathroom of her hospital room to see Izzie, George, and Meredith all cooing and giggling over Avery.

"I left you alone with her for _two minutes_, can't you stop the googoo-gaga stuff for that long?" Cristina carefully laid back down on her bed, as Izzie handed Avery to her.

"We can't help it. She's so cute. Look at all that hair she has!" Izzie grinned, looking down at the baby. "You used to yell at me for letting her watch Care Bears when I baby-sat. You said it was a cheesy show and it was uneducational, which would lead your child to grow up thinking they could slide down rainbows and always trust people." Izzie ran her fingers over Avery's curly hair and laughed. "You made it sound like you came in on me giving her a shot with an AIDS needle." Izzie sat the baby down on Cristina's stomach.

"Hey, did I mention?" Meredith asked. "Fellowships are starting next week. We're all staying, but there's also a new doc coming in from Boston. Should be interesting."

"Mmm," Cristina said, genuinely interested, lifting Avery slightly so she was resting her head on Cristina's chest. "It's weird to think about starting our fellowships. I remember our first day here so clearly."

Meredith, Izzie, and George exchanged glances. It wasn't usual for Cristina to talk about her little "problem."

"So how are you feeling?" Izzie asked, gesturing to Cristina's stomach. George and Meredith both grimaced, they had both learned their lesson about asking Cristina was doing during her _last_ pregnancy, but Izzie as usual was a little slow.

Cristina looked up, oblivious. "About what?" Her face burned when she realized, and she looked down at her daughter who was sitting up on her lap. "Oh."

"So have you…been thinking about your decision?" George asked. Meredith elbowed him strongly in the stomach, as Cristina looked up.

"Morning!" A voice said suddenly, and Cristina turned her heart-stopping gaze to the door, where Burke was strolling in. He nodded, smiling, to the other doctors, as he walked over to Cristina's hospital bed. "Hey," he said softly to Avery, picking her up. "Did you have a good morning?"

"It was fine," Cristina said calmly, looking up at him. "How was your surgery?"

"It went well," Burke said smiling. "Mrs. Riley's heart had a lot of damage, but I repaired the rupture to her superior vena cava without too much difficulty."

Cristina nodded vaguely, as the interns all gave each other subtle looks and headed towards the door. Burke waited until they were gone before pulling up a nearby chair to her bed and sitting down, cradling Avery carefully.

"So, it's Monday," he said delicately.

Cristina glanced from the baby to him. "Um, yes."

Burke sighed. "So, tomorrow is Tuesday."

Cristina laughed. "Good work there, Burke."

Burke just looked at her. Cristina looked away, uncomfortable.

"I need more time," she said finally, quietly. Burke smiled tightly, nodding, looking away for a moment.

"How much time? Because if you're going to get the surgery, Shepherd isn't going to want to wait long. And if you _do_ decide to get the surgery…" Burke seemed to struggle with himself for a moment, then smiled again, the fakeness and tightness of his curled lip like a rubber band stretched too thin. "Waiting will make your odds even lower. I've done research on this surgery, Cristina. It's not worth it."

Cristina didn't seem to want to look at him, just fingered the IV going into her arm. Burke took another deep breath.

"I know this must seem like the biggest decision ever for you. But if you don't get it, if…" Burke tightened his arms around the squirming Avery, staring up at the ceiling. "If you don't remember, it changes nothing. We're still married. We're still parents. We're _going_ to be parents for a second time. There's always the chance that something will trigger parts of your memory. Even if things don't seem the same, we can make it work. We have to make it work. This is our lives, Cristina. Avery…Avery needs you. If you get this surgery…If you…" Burke closed his eyes, trying to get a better grip on the crawling child in his arms. "If you don't….if something happens to you…that's not worth it, it's not worth you just not remembering. We can make new memories. It won't be the easiest thing in the world, but we've been through stuff like this before. We can do this, Cristina." Burke looked at her, his face contorting into almost anger. "We're not just an intern and an attending breaking stupid hospital rules anymore, Cristina! We're not just _screwing._ We have a life together. A _life._ And I'm not going to let you give up yours, just because your scared of what feelings you have about this." Burke looked at her somberly. "We can survive whatever problems arise in the next few months. But I can't survive the thought of you getting that surgery."

Cristina closed her eyes, opening her lips to respond. The sound of beeping filled the room, and Avery started to cry as Burke stood up, looking down at his pager, which read **RILEY 911.** Handing the baby to Cristina, Burke let out a sigh of frustration, running towards his patient's room to help with the code.

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a/n: Mwahahahaha…I'm evil, I know. I will update asap, but with 4H coming up, I'm really busy. Which means I'll be updating:P When I update, ALWAYS assume there was something extremely productive I was _supposed_ to be doing. But anyway, I hope you liked the chapter. Hit that little button, please! Reviews make the world go round….


	9. Chapter 9

Photographic Memories

Chapter 9

By Miss Greyeyedgirl

-o-

"Careful, munchkin…Avery!" Cristina's voice turned from casual to frantic as she reached for her daughter, as the baby slipped down and almost off of the hospital bed. Burke grabbed her just as Cristina did, and he smiled at her as she lifted up the small child and set her back on her lap.

"Look at this little monkey…what are we going to do with you, Avery Nicole?" Cristina's voice mocked strictness, as she bounced Avery lightly. Burke paused from his spot about to sit back down. He frowned slightly, turning to look at her.

"What did you say?"

Cristina looked up at him from her spot playing with Avery. "What?" She asked blankly.

Burke looked at her, blinking. "You called her munchkin. I figured that wasn't a big deal, maybe it was just a, a thing that came naturally. But…how did…" He paused, looking at her in confusion.

"Cristina…Who told you Avery's middle name?"

Cristina stopped bouncing Avery, staring at the child and then turning her gaze to Burke. "Huh?"

Burke took a step towards her, placing the newspaper he had picked up back onto his chair. "You called her Avery Nicole. I never told you her middle name. So how did you know it?"

Cristina tried to remember. "I don't…know. It feels sort of déjà vu-y. Maybe…" Cristina tried to think. "Maybe Izzie mentioned? I don't…" Cristina frowned, forcing her brain to concentrate. "I can't remember."

Burke frowned at her in confusion, trying to organize his thoughts "You-"

"Ahem. Good morning, doctors." Derek Shepherd strode into the room, looking around at both of them and smiling slightly uncomfortably. "Happy Tuesday."

Cristina let her face of intense concentration relax, trying to smile at Derek. "Oh. Yeah. Morning."

Derek turned to look at her, his smile slightly broader. "Do we…have a decision yet?"

Cristina tried to regulate her breathing, closing her eyes for a moment. "Not…yet. But I will by tonight."

Burke looked at her, biting the tip of his bottom lip tightly. "Alright," Derek said smoothly.

"I want to get you into the MRI today. I need to see how your brain is healing, and if you _do_ decide to get the surgery, it will be a key tool on what exactly I need to do and fix. I'm also ordering some higher level tests, I want to see what exactly is going on inside that head of yours, see how your body is reacting to the first surgery, and just get some knowledge of the general picture."

Cristina nodded, as Avery put her tiny hand on her mother's arm and then slipped it into Cristina's hand. "Muh!" She squealed, giggling.

"And I believe," Derek said, his smile now slightly tight, "That my wife wants to get you into an ultrasound later. But obviously if you opt for the surgery that won't be an issue."

Cristina felt slightly as if her breath was knocked out of her, but she managed an uncomfortable smile towards Derek as Burke took a step forward in anger.

"Derek, you can't do that! You're trying to pressure her towards having the surgery-"

Cristina gave Burke a look that silenced him, and he stood glaring at Derek, silently fuming. Derek sighed, looking around.

"I have to go, I have more patients to see. I'll send an intern down later to get you to the MRI."

"And I-" Addison Shepherd stepped through the still-open door, flashing a smile towards Burke, which he happily returned, "Will be performing an ultrasound and some more tests later, to see how that little fighter of yours is doing." Addison grinned, winking at Preston. "And how's this other pugilist of yours doing?" Addison laughed, rubbing her hand over the top of Avery's head.

Cristina bit her lip slightly, uncomfortable, as she averted her gaze from the spouses in front of her. "She's fine," she said firmly.

Addison smiled, turning to nod at Derek. "That's excellent. I just came to see how you were doing, but I have a C-section in twenty minutes and a soon-to-be mother who doesn't seem to be getting much from her epidural, so I will be back in a few hours, alright?"

"That sounds fine, Addison," Burke said, suddenly calm and smiling, as Addison grinned at him and exited. Derek stood stock-still, a look of frustration on his face, before he too smiled and turned to exit. Preston could hardly hold back a laugh as Derek exited the room, walking towards Cristina and lifting Avery into his arms.

"What was _that_ about!" Cristina nearly exploded.

Burke turned to look at her, in some surprise. "Oh…Addison? She's delightful, very charming. Doesn't let Shepherd get away with that crap." He smiled, shaking his head.

Cristina raised her eyebrows. "So why didn't you marry _her?_"

Burke nearly dropped Avery, turning to stare at her. "Because she's not Cristina Yang," he said blankly, shaking his head. Avery grinned from the familiarity of her father's arms, reaching out a hand and pulling her mother's hair gently.

"I'm going to go find Avery some milk from the cafeteria, and I'm going to grab breakfast. What would you like?"

Cristina shrugged, watching Avery blow a raspberry next to her father's ear. "Just coffee."

Burke smiled, nodding. "Coffee. Done. I'll be right back, alright?"

Cristina nodded, as Burke strengthened his grip on Avery, who let out a little giggle. "Mmhmm."

Burke leaned down to kiss her lightly, Cristina responded with some surprise but then felt herself sinking into it. "See you soon," Burke said quietly, straightening back up. Cristina nodded, trying to wipe the smile off her face, as Avery waved her arm at her from over her father's shoulder.

-o-


	10. Chapter 10

Photographic Memories 

Chapter 10

By greyeyedgirl 

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"Are you okay?" 

…

"_It's a sign of, it's a…it's a sign that the tumor has infiltrated the pericardium."_

…

"_That guy shot you?"_

…

"_Don't ever die."_

…

_There was a projector, Burke was on stage next to Bailey and Dr. Webber, she was watching him wring his hands from her seat next to Meredith._

…

"_Shut up, shut up! Come on munchkin, shhhh, stop, stop. No…shut it! Oh, oh…"_

"_What are you doing?"_

…

_L…is for the way you look…at me…_

…

"_Is there any way you can pick up Avery for me? Mr. Frank's surgery is bumped up, his ulcer perforated. And I have the whipple after that, pre-rounds tomorrow…I think it's gonna be an all-nighter."_

"_No problem, I got her. I'll see you tomorrow." Burke leaned forward to kiss his wife, not knowing that, in a way, it would be their last._

-o-

"Baby. Cris, wake up."

Cristina jerked awake, opening her eyes to see Burke leaning gently over her, cradling Avery carefully to his chest.

"I brought you lunch. Addison Shepherd will be in in a while, she wants to run some tests. See how the baby's doing."

Cristina flinched, sitting up the rest of the way on the bed. "What time is it?"

Burke glanced at his watch, shuffling Avery to his other arm. "Quarter after noon." He frowned, looking at her carefully. "Did you sleep all morning? You should tell Shepherd if you're feeling faint, he won't be able to operate if you don't have all of your strength-"

"Burke, I'm fine." Cristina picked at the salad on her tray, taking a sip from the juice carton as Avery held out her arms to her. "Just a little tired. Nothing to worry about. And I didn't sleep all morning, I had to get more tests taken, remember?"

Burke kept his gaze skeptical, allowing Avery to leave his embrace as she crawled on her mother's bed.

"So you've decided, then."

Cristina was pulling Avery more onto the bed, protecting her from the edge instinctively. "Hmm?"

Burke forced a tight smile, letting his gaze rest on hers for a long moment. "You didn't contradict me. You're letting him operate."

Cristina glanced up, one hand reaching towards Avery to prevent her from knocking over the lunch tray. "Burke..."

Burke paced slightly, turning his eyes towards everything but her. "You don't have to explain. You're still the intern. You don't understand what you feel, you don't want to accept it. Your mind focuses only on your career, on surgery. You know this is the only way to get back to it, without having to deal with the parts you don't want to acknowledge. This is your easy way out, your way of entailing that all the messy parts be dealt with by someone not you, the 'new' you you feel you must have become, or just pushed away altogether. I may have married the 'new' Cristina, but I have not forgotten who exactly I first fell in love with. You hide from it, drowning yourself in work, in things that have an exact answer with no fuzzy edges or uncertainties. This is the only choice you can imagine. Fine. You don't have to explain that to me."

Cristina tried to open her mouth to speak, but Burke held up a hand to silence her. "I don't….know."

Preston looked back down at his watch, raising one eyebrow in a would-be nonchalant manner. "Addison will be in soon. Derek said he'd be back sometime this afternoon with your films. We can tell Addison she's not needed. I'd rather not see the ultrasound, if you've already made your decision. I don't see what good could come of that."

Cristina didn't speak, she had closed her eyes tightly as if trying to remember something.

"Two out of five. The odds aren't in your favor, but Dr. Shepherd is certainly a talented surgeon. Capable."

There was a buzzing in her ears, she could feel Avery tap her shoulder then pull her hair, giggling when she let go and they fell back into the curls.

"Maybe it'll turn out fine. Maybe it's better this way." Burke sat down on a chair in the corner, wringing his hands, pulling his glasses off and wiping them on his lab coat. "I don't want to force you into this. It's still your life. You don't think you're ready. You can't think of yourself as Avery's mother, as this child's mother. You need this. You're still that intern."

Cristina watched his hands, seeing them wipe at his glasses over and over again in her mind. Instinctively a feeling of nervousness rose in her, she had the urge to comfort him, though his voice was firm and accepting.

He had put his glasses into his jacket pocket, and now restarted the act of wringing his hands. She saw him flex his fingers into a fist over and over again.

"Two out of five…It's a foolish risk. Unnecessary. I'm not going to give you a deadline like Shepherd. You could have as long as you want, to adjust. We could take things slow. You'd learn to trust me. It's not worth it. Two out of five, Cristina."

Avery was pulling on her hair more insistently now. Cristina looked into the tiny face, seeing Burke's deep eyes look back at her from within the delicate features. Avery's round lips pouted a bit, before releasing a small whimper. Of course. It was lunchtime. She was hungry.

"Can you hand me her bottle?"

Burke had been staring at her intently, but obediently reached for the bag lying a few feet away from him, handing her the milk.

"You can still recognize her cries. You know when she's hungry, or tired, or needs to be changed. It's not as hard or scary as it sounds. You're a good mom."

"Bailey taught me," Cristina said absentmindedly. "You just listen to them. You catch on pretty quick."

Burke frowned at her words, thinking. "You're remembering things."

Cristina's head was bent over Avery, holding the bottle carefully. "What?"

Burke leaned back in his chair. "Her middle name. Songs."

Cristina shook her head, still leaning over her daughter. "It's like…studying really hard for a test. You memorize the formulas, you think about the concepts. You get your test, and it's easy. Simple. But then that one question comes up, and you know it, you know you do, but it's pushing its way to the back of your mind, and even when you try to remember it, try to imagine the page, what data tables were on it and which vocab word goes with it, the typing on the page is blurry, and no matter how hard you squint you can't remember, you can't give it a name. You know if you just got a hint you'd be perfect, but it just stays blurry as you try to think about everything else on the test and what information or concept is missing from it."

Burke looked at her carefully. "I can give you the hints, Cristina. Every day the print is getting sharper. You've got the textbook memorized, you just have to try to take it one section at a time."

Avery started to spit the bottle out of her mouth, turning her head and crying. Cristina pulled the hand holding the bottle away, wiping the white trail dripping down the baby's chin. She looked up at him for only a moment, her hair falling over her face and showing pure exhaustion.

"Burke, I'm tired. Do you mind if I just sleep until Dr. Shepherd gets back?"

Burke ran his hands over his knees, watching Avery turn slightly on her mother's chest.

"Yes. Get your rest. Do you want me to take her? She's due for her nap, anyway."

Cristina shook her head, closing her eyes. "She's okay."

Burke nodded, removing his glasses from his pocket and wiping them carefully. There was something familiar about this scene, waiting for a decision to be made that would effect their entire lives. He wanted to tell her which one was the safest, wanted to make sure she knew better than to take stupid chances, but remained silent, watching her troubled face under the fluorescently-lit room, her closed eyes squinting slightly, from either pain or trying to see.

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a/n: It's almost done. I know what's going to happen. Heh heh, YOU don't though, so review if you'd like to find out. :P XD Yep. Greyeyedgirl is back. :P :D


	11. Chapter 11

Photographic Memories

Chapter 11

By greyeyedgirl

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"It's going to be alright. I know you're scared, and this wasn't your plan, and you don't think you're ready. But I've watched you, for the past nine months. You can do this. You are Cristina Yang."

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"_Aw…look, her eyes, they're _just_ like Dr. Burke's…"_

"_Hush, Izzie…Look, he's coming. Be careful-Izzie! Don't drop it!"_

"_I'm not going to drop the baby George, I'm not a-OMIGOD!"_

"IZZIE!"_ Yelled three different voices. Izzie stared around at them nervously, the smile wiped from her face._

"I was only kidding…" 

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"I'm still waiting for Cristina Burke's second MRI to get back, the lab guy said it might be awhile. Why don't you go and get her ready for pre-op, maybe that can help her gain some extra strength along with it." The floppy-haired brain surgeon lifted a odd dark and bright lamination-like paper into the light. "I can't tell…if she moved at the wrong angle, that could have caused the appearance of this connection, perhaps just a line from the machine…I'm going to wait and examine her more extensive work-up labs. Why don't you go run down and take the chief and her through it again, answering any last minute questions or insecurities. I'm going to go check something, tell Bailey I'll page her within the next half hour or so."

"Yes, Dr. Shepherd," the small, bespectacled man said immediately, nodding quickly. Derek returned the nod to his intern, seeing him dart unhesitantly towards the elevators.

Derek looked back down at the MRI results, squinting harshly, wondering to himself.

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He knew it was there somewhere. She liked to move them around, leave them laying hazardously over the house, but he was sure he'd put them back since the last time she'd glanced through them. She hardly ever did, and it'd been ages since she'd been home, much less have time to go through them. Burke looked up from where he'd been rummaging through the shelf of thick volumes, darting his eyes around the room carefully.

The sight that met his gaze astounded him. He knew he'd been tied up lately, first from the stress of becoming chief and then with the horrible ordeal of the past several weeks, but there was no way he'd have let things get this bad. Had they been robbed? He scrunched his eyebrows together, concerned.

Of course! The attic. They might have gotten moved up there, when he'd been reorganizing things in the library, trying to make room for the large assessment of young adult classics he'd purchased for Avery to grow into. Cristina had earned herself a night of the silent treatment after making a comment about him bringing in copies of various works of literature, making a face as she leaned down to give him the _Charlotte's_ _Web_ book he'd dropped.

He heard his breath get rougher as he sprinted up the stairs two steps at a time. He needed to get the albums now, before running back to the hospital in time for Cristina's surgery. He'd miraculously won himself a few more hours from the lucky MRI mistake, and he silently praised whatever higher power might exist as he grabbed a pile of the albums from a box in the corner, labeled neatly with a Sharpie: "FAMILY-PORTRAIT ALBUMS AND MOMENTOS."

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"So, basically, the main men of our hospital, excluding McSteamy, are headed off for a weekend at Brokeback Mountain to celebrate…what? Izzie not getting lost during her 'shadowing' experience?"

"_Mm."_

"And you know what's the worst thing about it? We're going to have to see the mediocre surgeons perform. As in, our Chief, our head of cardiothoracic, our main neuro-guy, everyone, is gone. We'll be stuck with that brain surgeon who makes you stand 5 full feet away and makes sure the only instrument you lay a hand on is your stethoscope. Oh, and the worst part! Joe! Joe, Mer! Our only solace is heading off for a romantic weekend in some disgusting, dirty woods fishing for something that's just going to have an outbreak of some crazy poison resulting from it anyway. No bar. No Joe." Cristina sighed. "Where are we going to get the booze?!?!"

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"What do you mean, what am I doing? Whether she's decided to have the surgery or not, I am still her doctor until there is no longer a living being inside her. I'm going to see how she's doing and take some tests on the baby. Finding out the child is healthy could very well impact her decision to have the operation. That's what you're afraid of, isn't it? Your job is not to push her into this Derek, just because YOU want to get published and you think-"

"Yes Addison, thinking about how this could affect her decision IS scaring me. Finding out the baby is NOT healthy, which you know as well as I do is much more likely, could put her into a sense of panic. Her blood pressure would be affected, her mind would be unable to relax. I need her to rest, I need to make sure she has full energy for this operation. That means a stress-free environment. If you want to do an ultrasound, or even a CHECK-UP on Dr. Burke and the baby, you need to bring it up to the Chief."

"Derek, I'm going, and I-"

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"Before--before I wouldn't have even been in that room. I wouldn't have gotten involved. I would have never frozen in surgery, and I would have told him what I thought he should do. I had an edge, sir. I had an edge, and I've lost it, and I need it. I need it back."

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She was sweating. She sat up in her bed, feeling Avery squirm next to her. Her hospital gown was sticking to her, and a throbbing fist kept pounding at her mind, drowning it in fog.

Avery was crying. Cristina groaned, reaching for her, trying to push back the mass of curls that kept falling in front of her face.

Where the hell was Burke? Shepherd should have been back with her new MRIs by now. Had he pulled Burke out to tell him something, before waking her?

She leaned back, rubbing her fingers over Avery's thick curls to calm her. She thought she might be forgetting something, something important, but the information just kept hiding behind her subconscious, silently tormenting her. Stupid little facts kept coming back to her, teasing her. She was so tired. She felt so impatient.

Avery was mumbling incoherently. Cristina watched her for a moment, lost in thought, barely comprehending the noise.

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Images rolled silently like off an old projector or slideshow. Snapshot after snapshot, flashing away before she could examine them. Slowly she became aware of sensations, an arm around her, the feeling of a scalpel being placed in her hands. She was writing something on the OR board, she was staring into the skeptical eyes of a parent.

She was laying in bed, trying to close her mind off, feeling her mind race with the facts she'd been trying to cram into it, the emptiness of the apartment stifling her.

The baby was crying, and Burke was speechless. Addison was smiling at both of them, seeing the new father examining his child.

She was feeling the softness of her daughter's skin, fear pulsating through her. His arms had draped around her waist, following her gaze from over her shoulder.

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"Cristina."

She opened her eyes, seeing the short, stubborn woman look at her concernedly. Avery was awake and mobile, playing a form of solitary patty-cake with her hands.

Cristina sat up. "Where's Burke?"

Bailey continued to watch her intently. "He left not too long ago. You've been sleeping quite a bit. That's normal, though, of course, from the trauma your body has endured, especially with the possible risks of your pregnancy. Dr. Burke said he wouldn't be gone too long, though. I think he just needed some time to think."

Cristina nodded, trying to avoid her gaze. "Shepherd…said he'd be right back. My new results should be in by now."

Bailey swallowed a snappy retort, though didn't mask her expression in time. "He's still by the nurse's station, arguing with his wife about which one of them is your doctor. Probably hasn't even picked up the new MRIs yet."

Cristina forced another nod. "Oh."

Bailey was looking at her carefully. Cristina made her eyes drift toward her, sensing her muscles twist into the inquisitive smile upon her face.

"Dr. Bailey?"

Bailey jumped slightly, not sure if she should resume a business-like manner or be straight. She made up her mind in a second. Cristina wasn't one to swallow the crap she'd been tempted to feed her.

"Nothing. I'm just remembering something. A lot of things."

Cristina continued to look at her, knowing her smile was gone, her expression only bordering on polite.

"After I had Tuck, I lost a lot of respect. When the scandal with Izzie came up, it just heightened that. My judgment was questioned. I had to prove myself over and over again, and the opportunities I had were few."

Cristina stayed silent.

"Motherhood changed me, but I knew it was worth it. I knew, eventually, that I could get past all the accusations I was getting at work. I knew I could prove myself, I could be a good mother and a good doctor. I just knew I could do it."

Cristina's eyes had drifted down. She could feel Bailey's gaze still on her, but instead of it being scrutinizing and judgmental, it was just…disappointment. She could feel Avery wiggling, and knew the baby was spending too much time on that bed. She should be crawling, playing.

"Cristina."

Cristina rubbed her thumbs over Avery's tiny fingers.

"Preston Burke didn't change you at first. He just brought out more of you. But when he got shot…you were willing to give up everything for him. The respect and friendship of your peers, the good standing with your superiors. I think, in the end, you were even willing to give up him. You were doing scut at 4 in the morning to help insure his perfect reputation remained intact, you stayed late studying every one of his procedures to make sure he would have your complete support in that OR. He was building resentment towards you, towards himself, for putting you through that. Your colleagues had their own suspicions. And you just…didn't care. You didn't care when I yelled at you, you only worried about protecting him. Things were so tense between you two, I didn't see either of you loosen up for weeks. But you never complained about him, never complained about what you were doing, you didn't even need to be asked to do it for him! You knew, Cristina."

Cristina was watching her now, listening carefully.

"If you know, nothing will stop you. You're the most stubborn and loyal intern I had, and that's saying something." Bailey looked caught between a laugh and a tirade. She continued recklessly. "And if you don't know, if you don't think you can learn, that's alright. But." Bailey took a step backwards, nodding to Cristina.

"I think you know."

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Addison strolled down the hall of Seattle Grace Hospital, barely managing a triumphant smile to transform her features. The easy part was over. Derek had stomped off to radiology for Cristina's high-level MRIs and films. Now she had to go talk to the patient. Now she had to go observe the Chief of Surgery's wife, the intern she respected, medically, the most, deal with the most tremendous decision of her life, the one that would inevitably result in the loss of at least one.

Cristina was sitting up. The small form of Cristina and Burke's daughter resided on her lap, drawing designs on the blank bedspread with her fingers. Addison raised her eyebrows slightly, glancing around the otherwise empty room.

"Dr…Yang."

Cristina turned to look at her, her face stoic. The tall woman regarded her cautiously, taking in her drained appearance, the clouds draping her eyes as she opened her mouth.

"We have to wait for Burke."

Addison stared at her. Cristina flashed the quickest of hesitant smiles, looking down and sighing to herself.

Addison looked at her to confirm. Cristina remained silent, her hair slipping past her ears to mask her face.

"Page me."

Cristina raised her head, a small smile evident, as she nodded.

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The sight of the flashing lights disturbed him, an unsettlement in his stomach causing him to force his eyes away. Policemen were trying to get the traffic going, proving unsuccessful against the cars that had paused to survey the wreckage. Burke beeped his horn loudly, an unusual occurrence, swearing below his breath. The sight of the totaled car was unnerving. He closed his eyes, before hearing the movements. He opened his eyes hopefully, only to drive forward a few feet. More cars were honking urgently, adding to the pounding in his head.

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Something rustled in her stomach, causing her to screw up her face in pain. Shepherd was expected any moment. Burke should have been back by now. She felt a sharp pain in her chest, wondering where he might be. Burke wasn't known for his unpunctuality.

The pain in her abdomen escalated, causing her to inhale quickly, clenching her teeth. She was glad George had come in and offered to take care of Avery until Burke returned. She didn't want to have to worry about keeping track of her while struggling control over her body. She wiped a sweaty curl from her face. She needed to do something. Anything. Her body wasn't meant to be sedentary.

Her mind was aching for some kind of stimulus, anything more interesting than just laying there. She tried to muster up some energy, something to clear the fog draping her mind and smothering her limbs. She was still tired.

She sighed, laying backwards into the bed, pushing the blanket away from her and closing her eyes.

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She wouldn't go into surgery without him. She couldn't have. He needed to speak to her first, to comfort her. He needed to tell her he was there for her, he just…

Burke spared only a moment looking into the hospital room, observing her empty bed. Panic was flooding through his veins, driving him to be rash, use instinct. He was fighting to control his breath, just fighting to regain control. She was gone, she hadn't said good-bye; there was only a two out of five chance that he'd even speak to her again. The chance for their second child was escaping at this very moment, the chance of him losing his wife was becoming more and more likely with every second, with every possible moment that a scalpel could be in motion.

Shepherd should never have allowed this to happen so rashly. She'd been pressured into this. He knew she wasn't completely herself at the moment. He knew how important it was to him to talk to her beforehand.

He stared down the hallways, wondering how they could possibly be deserted. Why hadn't he been paged? He was the Chief of goddamn Surgery!

"Where is my wife?" Burke glared down at the first presence he encountered, an intern, who looked terrified at Burke's menacing voice.

"Sir…Dr. Shepherd…"

"What were her test results? What exactly did they show?"

"Sir, I-I think they were flying blind. It was pretty sudden."

Burke stared. "What the hell are you talking about?" A cold, compressed rage radiated from each syllable.

"Sir-I just know Dr. Shepherd-nuero-um, came in, and then the other Dr. Shepherd, and she was mad, and he tried to yell at her, but she just rushed Dr. Yang…uh…Burke…and…"

Burke froze.

"Where is my daughter?"

"Dr. O'Malley, I think, sir. Um…"

"What is happening to my wife?"

"Um…it's some kind of distress, Dr. Shepherd is operating-not the neuro, I mean-"

Burke did not try to comprehend the meaning of this, just stared at the nervous intern.

"What OR?"

The intern swallowed. "1, sir."

Burke's body unfroze, pushing into action with a sense of immediacy.

"Sir, Dr. Shepherd said…Montgomery Shepherd…"

Burke was already down the hall. He turned to stare. The intern mumbled his final piece of information.

"…Critical…"

Burke felt his mind clench. His muscles burned, his breath harsh. OR 1 was the next floor. The elevators had never taken so long to cooperate, including when it had stuck on the two interns.

Seconds stretched like hours. The noises of the hospital were surrounding him, choking him. His wife…the surgery…he'd never felt so confused. He needed to hear her, to decipher what the scared intern had been talking about.

The only thing he could think about was watching her, holding Avery, whispering their song, falling back into her syncs.

And that word, and Shepherd's face, mouthing statistics, and the intern looking terrified, and seeing Addison show him the ultrasound Cristina's friends had run, confirming after the accident that she was pregnant.

She'd been so tired that morning.

If he just could have convinced her…if they'd ran extensive lab work-ups a few days ago…

He needed to be by her side. He needed her to know.

Critical, critical, critical.

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Only one more chapter! Please tell me what you think. If you didn't follow, here's the main point: Cristina had decided not to have the surgery, but Burke didn't get there in time to find that out. Only ONE more chapter! I promise you, there are shockers to come. Review PLEASE, it'll make me update very fast. :D

Hugs,

Greyeyedgirl


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